Man it's been a couple of months and what a ride it's been. I definitely don't feel like I'm in a college mindset anymore. I have a set schedule and I'm working (kind of) towards a goal. In a sense, I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to now. Just work, enjoy life, and be meaningful in my relationships. It's been interesting meeting new people, and been good to keep up with old ones. There are definitely some relationships I'm sad about, but what can be done?
I'm leaving Bethany. This is definitely the biggest change I'm making at the moment. To leave my parents, my second home, my haven, the people I love, the people who grew up with me/watched me grow up - it's like a loss of identity. I never would've seen this day coming so soon. Despite the desire to stay home, I believe this is the direction I need to take in order to challenge my view and lifestyle as a Christian. Now that it's not home I'm going to, where am I going? For what reason?
Work... It's quite the mundane and boring schedule, but at least it makes me money haha. Wish I could speed up the process of gaining experience so that I could go look for another job outside of Texas for a couple of years. Preferably New York or Seattle. It would be good to live life outside of here for a little. Eventually I'd want to come back to settle down. I could definitely speed up the process of getting experience and challenging myself at work, but I'm so so lazy.
People... What is it that I want with the people around me? There are definitely those who I desire to have no business with, but as I grow older I feel a greater desire to have a smaller group of people I can count on (not that I had a large one to begin with). At the same time, I've really been valuing time alone with no one. It's definitely been fun to meet new people and socially interact, but that only goes so far to gratify social cravings too. Eventually the small talk stops and the time calls for the relationship to grow deeper. But its that depth that I have difficulty creating. It's intimacy that I have difficulty cultivating.
Music. Where do I even begin. All I do at work (if I'm in office) is think about playing my guitar. When I go home, I don't even pick it up. I know that I love it, and I know my dreams lie with it. Why do I not take it? I absolutely have the skill. I'm working on my taste. I don't know if I have the drive and ambition.